Break.

Thank you for the birthday wishes. It was a much different birthday, one that I wouldn’t forget for a long time. It was one of the most difficult few days of my life. But I managed to find solace in those times.

Death is a universal experience, a final transition that everyone of us will inevitably face. Yet, it remains one of the most profound mysteries. It evokes a wide range of emotions and philosophical inquiries. Throughout human history, death has been interpreted in countless ways, often closely intertwined with spirituality.

Death is the great equalizer; it knows no boundaries of race, wealth, or power. Do you fear death? This fear stems from the unknown, as death is a threshold that none can cross and return to explain. This uncertainty that gives rise to the spiritual interpretations of death. Spirituality, in many ways, serves as a framework to understand and make peace with the reality of death. Do you think it is a coping mechanism?

Across cultures, spiritual beliefs about death vary significantly, yet they often share a common thread: the notion that death is not the end but rather a transition to another state of existence.

In Hinduism and Buddhism, death is viewed as a natural part of the cycle of life, known as samsara. This cycle encompasses birth, death, and rebirth, governed by the law of karma. According to Hindu beliefs, the soul is eternal and transcends the physical body. When a person dies, the soul leaves the body and is reborn into a new one, with the conditions of the new life determined by the karma accumulated in previous lives. This process continues until the soul achieves liberation (nirvana), where it is freed from the cycle of rebirth and merges with the divine universe. Life is also viewed as suffering, because it arises from attachment to the physical world.

In Christianity, death is often viewed as a passage to eternal life. The belief in an afterlife is central to Christian teachings, where the soul is judged by God and sent to either Heaven or Hell based on the moral conduct of the individual's life. Heaven is depicted as a place of eternal peace and union with God, while Hell is a state of separation from God's love.

Islamic beliefs about death also emphasize an afterlife, where the soul is judged by Allah on the Day of Judgment. After death, the soul enters a state of barzakh, an intermediary stage before the final judgment. On the Day of Judgment, individuals will be resurrected and their deeds weighed to determine their eternal fate—either in Paradise (Jannah) or Hell (Jahannam).

Some indigenous cultures like in Japan also have spiritual beliefs that view death as a transition to the spirit world. In these traditions, the dead are often believed to remain connected to the living, offering guidance and protection. Like the forest of Aokighara, where spirits are believed to be roaming.

A recent loss inspires me to live a more meaningful life, guided by spiritual values and beliefs. The awareness of death has led me to a deeper appreciation of life. It fosters a sense of connection to the divine and to the greater mysteries of existence.

I don’t know which of these beliefs truly make sense, but I know what I have seen and I have learnt from my experience. I didn't fully understand what life was until I saw what death is. I am certain that we are not just biological organisms. I am certain there is more than what science can explain. There is something more, beyond a bunch of organs bundled together wrapped by flesh. There is an energy that is making the heart beat, the soul which drives everything in a body. I believe in karma irrespective of religion or the human belief system. When a bird is alive, it eats ants, when the bird dies, the ants eat it. What I know is that we come empty handed without a single piece of clothing, we go empty, but in between we chase to possess a million worldly items sometimes just to derive the pleasure of owning it. We try to make memories which are not eternal. It often takes me back to the question on what is the meaning of life? What I have seen is that finally, only true love stays with you. All that matters really is that you have done good to others, lived a life that has made difference to many. You really need only a handful of people who love you for who you are. It is strange that this year has made me realize this so many times already, may be, it is a sign. Yet, I will write it one more time, Life is short.

**26 August 2024

Look what the cat dragged in.

Hi, how have you been? Thanks for checking on me. I am fine. Just a bit tired. But all is well.

Recently, the universe gave me a pleasant surprise by bringing a cat into my life. Over the past few weeks, I have got attached to the cat. I started to love her and have developed a sense of belonging with her. I can feel the cat reciprocates my love. Every day she comes and wakes me up. In the morning, she curls around me when I am sitting on the couch, sipping my cup of tea. She lets me be “myself”, no trouble, no expectations. Unconditional Love, right? It is easy to love when someone is kind, honest, beautiful and virtuous, isn’t it? Like how it is so easy to fall in love with a movie character because we see only what is shown. Human nature is as such. We want people to see the idea of us we have formed in minds.

However, the true test of love lies in our ability to embrace others despite their flaws and misdeeds. Love is a complex feeling, if you really can feel that is. Do you have what it takes to love people even when they do bad things? The cat taught me a valuable lesson.

The story goes like this: I feed birds that visit my garden. We love birds, don’t we? Over the years, I have created a safe space where they can love, live and enjoy. The cat sat next to me when I fed the birds. She observed as I threw the seeds on to the floor, and as the birds ate one by one. I was quite happy that she didn’t attack them.

One evening, I was working on my laptop, and I saw the cat approaching my desk while holding something in her mouth. I didn’t pay much attention as I was looking at the screen. She put it down at my feet, and as I turned around, I was shocked – A bird, merely able to crawl. The cat looked at me for validation and acknowledgement. Her eyes were big and dilated, I know that look she was expressing her love. It appeared to me as if she was asking for appreciation because she has fetched the bird for me. I collected the bird from the floor and rushed to free it. Fortunately, it was alive and active, but only traumatized. As I opened my arms to the sky, it fluttered its wings and flew away. I was left shocked and confused.

A lot of questions were on my mind: Did the cat misunderstand my love for the bird and fetch it for me? Or did it think that she could impress me by hunting it down? Was I supposed to to accept the offering and acknowledge her love even though it wasn’t what I wanted? A sense of confusion and guilt hit me, because I never thought the cat could do something like this – Hunt, kill, or cause harm. Aren’t we like this, we think our loved ones can never be wrong, our judgmental bias kicks in.

Waves of realization started to hit me, when I started to understand what she had done. I understood that this is expected of her. She is a cat. She has animal instincts, and this is what she is capable of. Cats hunt, cats prey. I realized how I have transformed in the past 3 years. I was a non-vegetarian before, so hunting a bird shouldn’t have been a big deal. But I understand I have changed. I have changed, I can barely see a life being harmed. It pains to see suffering. I don’t know what my expectation was at that point, I wasn’t expecting the cat to eventually eat leafy vegetables because it was my choice to become a vegetarian. I still feed the cat tuna and chicken despite my vegetarianism.

In this context, the cat did not do anything wrong. I perceive it as wrongdoing because morally it was unacceptable by me to take a life. It takes lot of maturity to love people despite their actions and wrongdoings. Everyone makes mistakes, it is an intrinsic part of human experience. These mistakes can range from minor transgressions to significant moral failings. Understanding that nobody is perfect helps us cultivate empathy and compassion. It reminds us that we, too, are fallible and have at times, been the cause of pain or disappointment to others.

Empathy plays a crucial role in loving those who have done wrong. It involves putting us in their shoes, striving to understand the circumstances and motivations behind their actions. Often, people who do bad things have experienced pain, trauma, or adverse conditions that have shaped their behaviour. By understanding their stories, we can develop a deeper sense of compassion and extend our love to them, not in spite of their flaws, but because we recognize their humanity. Forgiveness is a powerful act of love. It opens the door to rebuilding trust and mending relationships. It acknowledges that while the past cannot be changed, the future holds the potential for growth and transformation.

Empathy does not mean condoning harmful actions. Empathy doesn't mean accepting everything. What is morally incorrect is still incorrect, universe doesn't change that fact. Instead, it is about seeing beyond the actions to the person within. It is about acknowledging their struggles, offering support, and believing in their capacity for change and redemption.

It is a reminder that, fundamentally, we are all trying to navigate the complexities of life, often stumbling along the way, sometimes navigating through incorrect paths. But universe eventually aligns the searcher and seeker. This perspective fosters a more forgiving attitude, allowing us to separate a person’s actions from their intrinsic worth.

Until next time. Thanks for reading.

**15 July 2024

Follow Your Heart.

There is a melody that resonates with the deepest parts of our soul: the call to follow our heart and embrace love. This journey, often fraught with uncertainties and challenges, is also the most rewarding path we can take. It is a journey that leads us to discover our true selves, our passions, and ultimately, our happiness.

The Call of the Heart:

From the moment we are born, our hearts beat with a unique tune that guides us through our lives. This rhythm is more than just the biological pulse that sustains us; it is the essence of our being, a compass pointing us towards our true purpose. To follow your heart means to listen to this inner voice, to trust in its guidance, and to have the courage to pursue what makes you feel alive.

Often, society bombards us with expectations and norms, dictating what success and happiness should look like. However, these external pressures can drown out the subtle whispers of our heart. It is crucial to carve out moments of stillness, to tune out the noise, and to reconnect with our inner self. Meditation, reflection, and spending time in nature are powerful ways to realign ourselves with our heart's desires. But these can be a distraction too, indulging into pleasures than happiness.

The Power of Love:

Love is the most potent force in the universe. It transcends time and space, weaving a tapestry of connections that bind us to one another and to the world. When we follow our heart, we open ourselves to the transformative power of love. This love can manifest in many forms: the passionate romance between two soul partners, the unconditional bond between parent and child, the deep camaraderie among friends, and the profound appreciation for the beauty of life itself.

To love fully is to be vulnerable, to risk our hearts, and to embrace the unknown. It requires us to let go of our fears and doubts, and to trust in the goodness that resides within ourselves and others. Love is not always easy; it can be messy and complicated. It hurts you when taken away. It hurts you when you don’t get enough. But it is in these moments of challenge that love reveals its true strength, teaching us patience, empathy, and resilience.

The Courage to Pursue Love:

Following your heart and embracing love demands courage. It is a journey that often requires stepping out of your comfort zone and facing the unknown. This might mean pursuing a passion that others deem impractical, ending a relationship that no longer serves your growth, or expressing your feelings to someone you care about. Showing your love to someone no matter how they treat you. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the determination to move forward despite it.

One of the most inspiring aspects of following your heart is the stories of those who have dared to do so. History is replete with examples of individuals who have defied the odds to pursue their passions and live a life filled with love. These stories remind us that when we follow our heart, we not only enrich our own lives but also inspire those around us to do the same. You begin to live a life that is authentic and true to yourself. You find joy in the simple pleasures and develop a deep sense of fulfilment. Relationships become more meaningful as you connect with others on a deeper level, sharing your true self and receiving the same in return.

Moreover, when you follow your heart, you contribute to a world where love and authenticity are valued. You no more will take decisions to satisfy your ego. Your actions can create a ripple effect, encouraging others to listen to their own hearts and to love more fully. In this way, you become a beacon of light, guiding others towards a life of purpose and joy.

In the grand scheme of life, following your heart and embracing love is the thread that binds everything together. It is a journey that requires courage, faith, and a willingness to be vulnerable. But bear in mind, you cannot be vulnerable with everyone. So, listen to the whispers of your heart, take that leap of faith, and let love be your guiding star. In doing so, you will discover the true beauty of life and the boundless possibilities that lie within you.

Dedicated to my grandma, who believes that we should follow our passion, be adventurous and reach for the stars.

Thanks for reading.

**05 June 2024

Insecurities.

Hello... How have you been? It has been a while I have posted. Thank you for sticking around. Thanks for checking on me. I am alright. I was taking a break from everything for a couple of months. I have been going through some personal stuff and needed some space to process everything that is happening around me.

A lot has happened in my life since last time. Some wonderful moments, and lot of grievances. I was grieving a lost family member. I have been filled with a feeling of the loss of someone I know only by the tales and narration. I am still processing those feelings because the grief is still there. In psychology, these are called sympathy pains. It is a term that refers to feeling physical or psychological symptoms from witnessing someone else's discomfort. It happens when you are deeply connected to someone. I am still processing for the past few weeks.

Distraction because of social media has been on my mind lately. I think I have taken inspiration from social media, but I understand how big of a distraction it is for me. It has been a validation that social media is fake. It can affect people differently. It is very subjective to the mental state you are in. I was at a local meetup group recently, where I understood that many people had problems in being themselves because they think they are not good enough for themselves because of the so called “social” society. They have been made to believe that they require constant validation from external sources to confirm their choices- be it a social media like, or a comment, or view. I understood that many people these days suffer from imposter syndrome. They spent too much time criticizing and over-analyzing everything, and in the process being a blocker to growth. These days many suffer from anxiety, and sadness because they think they are different. People think of “what ifs” and get nervous. The anxiety and sadness make people feel numb and this brings depression. I understand we live in a world where true friendships are rare. I heard people tell me that they compare themselves to others very much. Social media has made them feel ugly. They start to think their body is imperfect. They think other people look better; and are smarter. I met a girl in the group, she was 19, she was weeping and crying in front of us because she thought she was ugly. There were several things that made her feel this way, she was bullied in school because she had pimples. Boys wouldn’t talk to her because she was good at sports, but mainly it was because she had a social media account, and she wasn’t popular. I couldn’t stop noticing how beautiful she was, but would she listen if I say it aloud now that I know her trauma? In the end, I was wondering if I should complement her and tell her that she shouldn’t feel that way because I would be mistaken for sympathy. But anyways, I did. I told her that she was beautiful. There were people who have just started their career, and feel they weren’t earning enough, they compared their lifestyles to folks who were twice of their age, living in another country. I am not sure if this is immaturity of lack of self-worth. There were people who lost money in scams, because someone hooked them on to a pyramid scheme. They were greedy because they thought there was an easier way to make money. FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out has been one of the most common issues amongst all the people I met during the meetup. Almost all of them felt this urge and compulsive behaviour to maintain social relations by responding to their connections.

Unfortunately, we don’t have a solution to any of these problems, do we? I had several questions in my mind after the meet up. Something that I want to think and keep in mind. Some open-ended questions as food for thought. Are we promoting our lives as an inspiration or are we demeaning the people who cannot have such a life? Are we boosting our self confidence by putting others down? Are we in a way a party to make someone else feel a certain way? Or are we encouraging people to taste the life we live? What is the real intention and how is it perceived by others?

I think we need a reset, atleast I need. And understand that there are schemes behind social media. Nothing comes for free; if you are not paying for something then you are the commodity. You are part of their revenue model. Your swipes and scrolls have the potential to provide valuable insights and drive business. Don’t let external factors determine your worth. Be true to your conscious. A reminder that we need to prove nothing to anybody except our consciousness. I think it is time to realize that it is "our" life, and nobody needs to validate it other than our consciousness.

Thanks for reading.

**21 April 2024

Old ties.

Hello. How have you been? I had the privilege to spend time at an old age home recently. The experience was rewarding. Sometimes my heart wants to feel pain, empathize with old people who have nobody. They also need someone to spend time, care for them and listen to them. Just like any of us, they deserve to be loved. Some of them are lonely, sometimes they have ton of wisdom but nobody to share. Sometimes they long to show their mini projects to someone to get a word of appreciation. The complete circle of life, they become kids once they were.

Been having strange thoughts lately about the way world works. Some of us are good at blaming everyone around us for everything that we lack- money, education, relationships, status. I have heard several times from people that they don’t have something in life because it is their parent's fault. Sometimes it is true but most of the times it is just ego shifting its blame. It is common to think we are entitled to everything- a great life, wealth, health but reality is we are entitled to nothing. This entitlement often comes from worldly desires nothing more than to satisfy the ego. I met many old, aged people living in seclusion because their children abandoned them. I heard stories of children who thought their parents were ugly and were ashamed of walking with them. I heard stories of children who moved to the city and thought parents were hilly Billy because they are from a tiny village, were not modern enough to be taken care of. I heard stories of parents who lost their children to an accident and are alone now. Some stories were so heart wrenching that it broke me. These old age people in homes are a result of that big fat ego that the children grew. An outcome of the lifestyle choices they made to please themselves, and others around them. These stories are not new for me. I have seen enough in life but hearing it from the sufferers is painful. I wonder where these children would have been if their parents had been selfish.

I met an old couple, who was abandoned by their children because the grandma had Alzheimer’s. They were kicked out of home after their children stripped them off their wealth and property from them. Their kids manipulated them with words perceived as love. I thought it was unethical to attack someone’s vulnerability, especially when that vulnerability is love. We want everyone to understand and sacrifice for our justifications but nobody wants to take efforts to empathize with others. In these cases, the children thought their parents will understand their life choices, and parents were forced to accept and sacrifice, be okay with it. This is inhuman and cruelty to the people who brought you into this world, not being considerate to them. Isn't it? Being oblivious to other people's suffering for own reasons is cruel and selfish. What was their fault in this? Most of the times, it was for money. Children thought they can make better use of their money than their parents. Money makes people do ugly sins. But let us not forget how many ever justifications they may have, Karma is a bitch. Remember, what goes around, comes around.

I don’t want to get judgemental, but I am finding it very difficult to digest these reasons without being judgy. Whatever the reasons may be- may be parents had a transactional relationship. May be dysfunctional, so you were not able to look up to them. Maybe they said, they don't love you. Maybe, it was a mistake they decided to have you, we never know. May be dad or mum had an illicit relationship. Or may be they fell out of love eventually. It happens, and it is nobody's fault. May be they thought that was love but eventually something changed. Do you know what is love today? Many of us define it according to our convinience, isn't it? Maybe they were not the best parents, but they still did what they could with the limited knowledge they had. With whatever priorities they thought life had to be lived by. We all agree that we are learning, some people learn through out their life and still be stuck, with no progress, because they don’t know how to apply what they learnt. They rely on bookish knowledge, quotes and passages that they read from library or heard from the Pastor. Some parents thought there were shortcuts in life, and lost everything to that FOMO. May be they trusted in luck than hardwork, started to gamble, lost everything betting. But do you also understand that they started betting or gambling due to bad friendship? There must have been always that one friend who over exaggerated a lifestyle full of luxury and riches by making quick money, for his own selfish reasons. It is easy to fall for that because people show only what they want you to see. They make us think there is a way to live life large without hardwork because our mind wants to believe there is always something better ahead, we get influenced by fantasies. Most people who started gambling, didn't start on their own. They started because of a bad friendship. It is a vicious circle. Remember, we all know, at first the house lets you win to hook you into it, but then you start to loose, and eventually the house always wins. And like they say, there is always one casino better than the other. So don't blame your parents, we all make bad friendships, and we never know because we don't realize until we have lost enough. How ever wise we may be, we are stupid at the same time due to same reasons. May be they were alcohol or drug addicts. It all started from one drink and guilt. We need to understand that these things happen and not anyone's fault. It was their choice to continue. We have to observe and try not to repeat history. We all get sucked into meaningless superfical cycles in our lives. When it could happen to us, why couldn’t it happen to our parents?

Our mind thinks we know everything and we are better judges in every situation. We tend to seek validation from someone who we think is better than us. And if you are not in a good relationship with your parents then you tend to think you are always better than them. You need to see things as is, and understand that there is alot you can learn from their lives. You need to respect and love them for giving you those learnings. Finally, we must admit that, for our parents, it was the first-time parenting too. And they were trying to figure out how to live just like every one of us. So, cut some slack and forgive them for their mistakes. It is alright, we have made mistakes, and they are allowed to make mistakes too. Because nobody is perfect. If you cannot love them for what they did to you, atleast don't hate and abandon them. It tells a lot about you than them. Try visiting them once a while, atlast that would make them feel warm. You owe it to them for bringing you into this world and giving you a life that you have today, however worse it might be, it will be always better than somebody else's life.

Thanks for reading.

**07 Feb 2024

Rose.

I remember the day 13 years ago when we parted ways. You said you wanted to go chase your dreams. I couldn’t stop you because I was chasing mine. I was selfish, wasn’t I? How transactional was our relationship. At least, I didn’t realize at that time that you were that missing piece of my life.

You were a wonderful person. There is not a bad trait or attribute that I can tell about you. I cannot find any faults with you. You were full of life. You made me addicted to your touch, you made me addicted to everything yours. You loved me in ways nobody else did. You were full of kindness, compassion, and love. I think I was immature at that time, not to understand priorities. We decided to part ways because of our jobs thinking that is what we wanted in life.

I understand it because I pushed you to chase your dreams. I understand life always gives choices and it is for us to choose, and decide our path. And many times, we don't make the right ones. I made you take that job which also moved you away from me. I was immature to commit to you. Was it was my ego? I know how difficult it was for you to leave, and I remember you were not at all okay to leave me and go. But I still pushed you because I thought that was the best for you. I regret that choice. I regretted it when we bumped into each other a few years ago.

I don’t know what I was thinking. Did I subconsciously love that pain? Or was the thought of sacrificing my love seem a greater cause? Or my ego wanted to be a bigger person by making you succeed, or was I trying to save you? I realize that trying to save a person is the worst possible thing you can do to that person. I didn’t tell you or show it to you, I soon regretted my decisions a few days after your departure. It was difficult for me to move on because I couldn’t stop thinking of you. I am not undermining that only I suffered, I empathize that it was much worse for you. I remember my lonely nights sitting and thinking of the beautiful memories we had. That was my strength to get through those days.

Today, after so many years, you decided to call me and say you still love me. I don’t know whether to be happy, proud or sad that you know me too well.

I never stopped loving you. You never stop loving a person if the love was true, do you? But the love didn't grow. I always have wished the best for you. I don’t love you today the same way as I did once. I don’t wish to live with you anymore. I have moved on. Body never forgets touch. Soul remembers the pain. You were someone I wished to grow old and spend my rest of lives together at that time and I know you did too. I know our time is limited, and we choose to give our time to the person we love. I cannot give my life to you, I have made that decision. So not today, and not in the future. We both had our chance.

I think we can speculate about everything. It could have been different. We never will know, will we? May be if I had made that choice to relocate with you, we would have been together. Today you are a VP of a big company, you have all the fame that you once wanted. I don’t know where you would have been if I had stopped you that day or if I had come with you. I know we made that choice that day and we had to stick to it. Life is about priorities.

I am happy to know you are doing well in life. I have slowly gotten over the past. But I cannot bring you back into my life ever again. Not because of my ego, but because a lot of things have changed in me. I have realigned, I have discovered myself. After your departure, I have realized that we are different people, our life goals are different, we want different things from life. We would have been happy for a short while until the honeymoon period and then we would have gone through the same cycle because I have begun to understand who I am. I started to see the differences between us. I used to love those differences, but those were also that created gap between us. For the start, you are a cat person, and I am a dog person. Strangely it does make a difference. Hahaha...

I am who I am today only because we parted our ways. Our loss is always someone else’s gain. I am glad our relationship ended because I had to loose you to find myself. I have grown because of you. Those memories no longer cause any pain. What we had was beautiful, and am grateful to have had it. People are always a blessing or a lesson. You were both. I learnt what to keep and what to let go. Look at my priorities much clearly. Past is past, and some doors are best to be shut. The chapter in my book with you is over. It had a beautiful ending because I am able to talk about it today. I am in a better place. I had to wake up to stop dreaming. Nobody can stop the flow of life, I somehow think that even if I had chosen you that day, we would have still ended up seperated. Maybe I would have left you anyways because the universe realigns until it fits perfectly, and we were never a perfect fit. Sometimes beautiful things end, sometimes timing isn't right. That is acceptance.

Today you want to be together and have a life with me again. I am humbled that I am your choice once again but I don't have anything anymore to give you. I want to remind you that we lost our time. I regret my inability to tell you this directly that my love has faded but never gone because you were someone in my past who I loved, I touched, I kissed, and I longed to be with. But I also know that you know this well. I will always love you, wish you all the happiness in life and success. Thanks for that wonderful memorable chapter. I hope you find someone who is able to love you the same way, because you deserve that and this time whatever happens, don't let them go. Don't be a chapter in their book, be their book.

**25 Jan 2024

Ecstasy.

Hello... How have you been? Thanks for the overwhelming response for my previous post. I am still catching up on my emails, but I read a few of them and some of them were inspiring. I am glad to know some of you have been involved in community activities and it was rewarding. I am sorry some of you are upset because you think I have joined a sex cult, practicing tantric sex with strangers and having orgies.😊

I didn't expect such a backlash on this topic. Wild imagination. 😂 That is not true. There is a misconception. I have heard this several times from people that Tantra is an art of having sex. I think people mistake tantra to Kama Sutra. Tantra and orgies are poles apart; in fact, they are not on the same plane. Tantra deals with energy where there is emotional connection with your love, God. Tantra is not about visual or sensorial pleasure and is not only about the act of Sex. Sex is just a situation, and it is not centre of the universe. It is difficult to understand how intense personal feelings are with all the distractions today. Tantra is a way of twining and aligning your energy with nature. I can understand why this is so commercialized. My dear readers, don’t worry, I am not abusing my body, mind or soul, I have been in a safe place without any corruption. Sexual energy is also an energy. It can be used to create, nourish or destroy life. It is our choice how to use it. My journey has been rewarding but I am not fully there yet. This is not my first time, I did this last year but I was not public about it.

If I were to summarize a ritual in a few sentences: Try to create a safe space without any distractions where you can sit without any disturbance. Stay still for as long as you can. Try to let go of everything for once. Let all the thoughts flow and die. You enter a state of timelessness. No fast or sudden movements. No deadlines, no need to hurry. Dissolve “I”, the ego. You need to consciously breathe, apply Pranayama and transcend into a state where you feel your hair stand up. You start to feel everything around you. As that happens, you are genuinely turned on and you eventually feel aroused sexually. Try to feel and experience, everything on you - the air that touches you, air you breath, and the scents around you. Your soul feels free and naked. Whether a man or a woman, you will start consiously sense every part of your body. This is the beginning. You don’t need porn; you don’t need to imagine anything or anyone in any way. There is no need of foreplay. Nobody needs to touch you or tease you or do anything to you. Your heart slows down, your mind gets to a calm state. You feel emotions deeply, your love floats up. You feel everything in you and around you. This is just a primer. You might get tears, you might feel vulnerable. What ever you feel, let it happen. There is a lot of exploration and soul searching involved. Ofcourse there are a few poses that invoke the energies which am missing in this description but sounds theoritical? It is not. Try to just sit still for half hour and experience everything around you, you will be amazed. So, it is not a sex cult or an orgy. There is no need to be disappointed that I am doing this. It is just meditation, breathing and yoga done in a certain way, with certain poses and breathing. All good?

I met someone in the ashram who had a life crisis. He has had his healing and recovery. Have you heard of “toxic positivity”? Ever wondered the difference between positivity and toxic positivity? Positivity is the belief in acceptance, the belief that things may be tough right now, but things will change for the better, after thorough analysis. He had a story to tell and he told us how his over positivity hurt himself and others.

“Toxic positivity” on the other hand, is based on denial and delusion. It is when in a problem, ego doesn’t acknowledge that things are tough, it thinks everything is under control and you choose to see only the positive side of every situation. This was a revelation to me because I didn’t know that positivity could be toxic. Toxic positivity is extremely harmful. It is a false belief that positivity is the way to deal all problems in life. I understood that this is a big and important topic in psychological studies which made me curious. Strange, isn’t it?

I have been thinking if I am “toxically positive”. I don't think so but this is something for me to deeply think, and pay attention to not to exhibit those tendencies. I don't supress negative emotions, or false gratify them. We need to accept that everything is not wonderful and perfect. Look at things as is and deal with it.

I have been reading a lot about the topic. It is also considered as a form of manipulation, gaslighting, and a narcissistic tendency. It is an interesting topic to dwell on and read about.

If you are not feeling good, or if something is bothering you, then seek professional help, look into the problem and solve it. Don't listen to others that everything will be okay. Don't fall into false sense of gratification. It is okay, not to be okay, that is how life is, but don't ignore it.

Thanks for reading and we just reached 10k followers. Thanks for the engagement and sending in your responses after every post. I know it would have been nice to know see likes below every post. I will try to add a like button when I find some time.😊

**15 Jan 2024

Life at the Ashram.

Thanks for this year, folks. As I reflect on everything I have been through, I am thankful for all the learnings and wonderful experiences the universe has given me.

I have been living in an ashram for a week away from distractions, trying to focus on myself. I thought to summarize what my guruji made me realize:

• 1. My soul needs isolation to be peaceful. The ashram was not a hippie camp but a place to do social service and serve the poor people in the nearby villages. It is not a religious institution either. I am getting a chance to look at life as is without any adulteration- no social media, society pressure, comparison, jealousy etc. Money is the least important commodity here. I worked in farm fields, helping the farmers. Brought drinking water from the river. Taught at schools, cooked and served food in local community hall, spoke to elderly people, drove them to hospitals. There are a million opportunities to "be human" here. A place where animals and people are treated equally and seen as souls with a purpose. I cried, I laughed, I danced, all with ecstasy. I met wonderful people from many countries, with diverse backgrounds. I found my connections with animals here, who chose me, who have been loving me unconditionally. Two beautiful dogs chose me while I am here and have been giving me all the love they can while am in the Ashram. My family is supportive of any choices I make, no judgements and no questions. I felt lucky.

• 2. Mind control: I wake up at 5 AM and take bath in ice cold water in the river Ganges, in the Himalayas. At first, as I undressed, I was shivering and trembling. It was 7 °C outside, and the water was freezing cold. My guruji taught me to focus only on the cold. My mind was more worried about the pain, it created anxiety, it also kept thinking about how uncomfortable it is going to get, and how would it be to sit next to a fireplace. He asked me not to think about future, instead focus on the present, feel the cold water touching and rushing through my body. I practiced and learnt to pay attention to one thought until it became everything that is now. It was difficult but eventually I got the hang of it. I was able to stand in that water for 20 minutes every day without a single piece of clothing on me, focusing on my breathing and my body. I was alone and was in the middle of dense forests, so away from public when I did this. It was exhilarating to be naked in the Ganges, in the nature and this made me feel my sexuality intensively, I wasn’t ashamed of being aroused. This is something to be experienced by everyone. The cold eventually became known and after that there was no fear. I understood I am strong. If I can do it, so can you.

• 3. Sexual desires: I know I have strong sexual desires, and I have never been ashamed of expressing it, but my conscious doesn’t allow me to do certain things. I understood my body craved sex; it is my basic instinct. I learnt to ease my strong sexual desires through meditation and tantra. This made me understand that sex is for procreation, but the origin of actual pleasure is different. I experience lot of emotions as I sit still.

• 4. Just like every one of you, I have a storm in me. Sometimes it consumes me. It takes me places and creates chaos. But I seem to be able to handle it well. The choice is mine, I can drive that storm in the direction I want, to lift me up or to destroy everything that it touches. I have always used it to lift me up. I understood that current society and modern methods teach us how to restructure our thinking but not teach how to control our minds.

• 5. My thoughts are like moving clouds. I was asked to look at them objectively and let them pass but reality is different and is not that easy. I learnt to sit still for an hour, which is considered to be difficult with the current generation’s mind.

• 6. What I learnt is that lust and infatuation tend to develop at the same time when you fall in love, making it hard to believe that they are not a part of it. I understood they are not. I realized they are not. They are selfish urges that drive you to try to secure other person’s attention for what they can offer you. Love dies when you try to hold on to another person for what they can do for you instead of letting them decide whether they need you or not. The lust dies within minutes after an orgasm. I understood that love never dies.

• 7. I am not a simple person as I thought to be. I have complex emotions. I am not confused. I overthink, I overfeel, I overlove, I overcare. I have heard from almost everyone I met that overthinking was negative. Being sensitive was negative. I was pushed to think this was a bad quality. I heard the same advice from everyone – “Don’t overthink, don’t get attached”. My guruji asked me not to stop my thoughts and emotions. He made me realize that this was rare, and this is what makes me a good human. I realized that for me love is important, I get attached to love. This was my purpose. To be that person who cares about the people I love, to be empathetic. Guruji asked me not to deviate from who I am for societal pressures, for duties. So, I need to embrace this feeling. It is known that sometimes I might get hurt, sometimes people might take advantage, but finally it is not my responsibility to reward or punish anyone. I must pay attention to the actions of others. Not everyone will feel my emotions the same way I do. Not everyone will love the same way I do, and I embrace this, I understand this. This is me and I should not change for anyone or for any reason. There is a lot of good that can come out the acceptance. Guruji reminded me that we are the medicine and the love we give, was never the waste.

• 8. During my stay, I discussed love and how I have been feeling lately. I am thankful to have found my profound love. This elevates me. As I walk forward, I feel my love walking and living with me, next to me. But when I look back, I realize there is only one pair of footprints. Every time I look back, I understand I have walked a long way till here, and not everyone will walk with me. Some journeys are meant to be alone. Acceptance is the key.

• 9. I learnt to tell about a person by what they chose to see in me. It’s never about someone else knowing my worth, it’s about me being aware of it. I understood that I need to pay attention more, because I have to show everything in action, and I cannot be theoretical.

• 10. Feeling of entitlement: It takes a lot of courage to say “enough” and feel content. I realized I am greedy for money, fame, for worldly pleasures. Without my knowledge, sometimes I tend to feel that “I deserve more”, I learnt to observe. I learnt to let go and say “enough”. Experiencing this feeling brings peace but takes courage to accept because of uncertainty and fear of safety. I am able to say this right now, am able to judge what is needed for me and what is not. This doesn’t make me less competent, what it means is that I need to take only what I need. I saw that while I was feasting a 5-star dinner, there were people starving in near by villages. I saw that while I was driving a BMW, there were folks walking bare foot on the streets just outside the ashram. While I expected my stay and hospitality to be 5 stars, there were people sleeping on the streets in the cold weather. Is it their fault that they have a like this or is it my privilege that I have a better life? I don’t have an answer, but I learnt to set some balance. I think often I feel entitled, and I am trying to change. I learnt to equate as much as I can.

I admit that there are many positive changes in me and can see world differently. I hope all this makes me a better person, and be useful to others. I am able to clearly understand the dynamics of this world better.

I wish you all a happy new year and wish you the best for next year. Thanks for reading and I hope nothing but the best for each one of you.

**31 Dec 2023

Unstable mind.

I must admit, I feel stuck right now and again, I have this feeling of being lost. There are days like this when I wish I had a little more energy to sit and give some thought what is going on with me. I am unable to make out what is wrong, but something is bothering me. I hope I can resolve this issue with me. Trying to look at the positives and move on.

Strangely, this appears like a pattern with me. December timeframe seems to always be a time which causes agony. I have been observing this for the past few years. May be my stars just don’t align well during December.

Last few weeks have been fantastic, I spent a lot of time alone. It helps me. When I am alone, it is an oppurtunity to look inward and understand my feelings better. It drives clarity in my mind. I pay attention to my heart and gut feelings, which has been always true from my experience. The more I stay alone, the more I understand how much I am connected to her, because I feel myself when I am connected to her. I have successfully completed my second leg of the journey and it has been rewarding.

In the last post I asked if you ever gave a thought why they say you should never share your life goals in public?

Thanks for sending your responses across. Yes. All of you were right. Speaking about your goals make you lose motivation.

I remember a quote from one of my favourite books “Atomic habits”: Your mind is continuously analysing your internal and external environment where rewards are located. You are going to chase something because you see a reward in it, and recognition in that. The sense of achievement is lost because you end up loaning that pleasure before achieving it and by sharing that prematurely, it becomes a psychological trap as your mind starts to think you have achieved that goal already. It gives mind a fake sense of accomplishment.

People don’t have the same vision as yours so not everyone will have the best of your interests. There are other reasons why you shouldn’t share your goals with everyone. Privacy is power. What people don’t know they cannot ruin. The biggest victory is when you work towards your goals secretly and then come out glorious. There are many in this world who like to do nothing but sabotage your plans because of jealousy or there are others who will ride your success. So be wise and keep your goals a secret. Work towards them silently until you achieve them.

I came across this interesting image. Can you guess what the image below is?

This is not a random image of boxes. This is the number of weeks represented by boxes you are alive till age of 100, the first box is the week you were born. Some of us are already at the half way mark, and some of us may not make it to the full.

This is just a reminder to ourselves that life is short for any regrets. Go after your goals today. All we have is now. Do what you love, be real, live your life to the fullest, find your purpose and meaning, make people’s life better, because there is no time to waste.

To be continued…

**07 Dec 2023

Hello.

How have you been? I understood from your emails that some of you were worried that I dropped abruptly. Nothing to worry. I am alright. Thanks for your emails. 😊

I didn’t realize that I have been in search of something for a long time. It wasn’t a longing. I had realized it instantly a couple of years ago, when I first found it, but I didn’t want to rush to a conclusion. Well, some people laughed when I said – “I just know it”. For some, it was silly, saw me like a small boy in search of a fantasy or figment of imagination. I had kept my search, emotions and experiences a secret and disclosed it only to a very few who understood me. I gave a lot of time to validate in all possible ways, to best of my abilities. I tested it, put it through some strains of time. I stayed away to see if this was just my mind. I finally came to a state of acceptance that it was true because there was nothing left to prove or validate. I wish I could show what it was, but I can’t. Are you able to describe God? For me this is it, I see God in my love. I admit, the most beautiful things are felt deeply from heart, and not visible to the eye. Sometimes, not even scrapping the surface of your skin.

My journey has been soul soothing for the last two weeks. I have had moments of extreme happiness which I never felt before. I have been contenting, and peaceful because I was close to my profound love. There isn’t any measure to happiness, but I can say these moments sustained for a long time. It made me understand that everything I have achieved so far doesn’t even come close to what I felt a few weeks before. I was collecting pieces and bits of clues that were left by a soul that I knew for eternity. I knew I was searching for a needle in the ocean. But let us not forget, the Universe is always rewarding. I followed my heart, walked the footsteps of my love. I didn't ask but my love, she showed me the way to find her. The rains might have washed the surface of the earth where she once stood, but the trees standing tall, rocks surrounding the area, moss growing on the stones, were a testimony to the fact she was once there, and I was there. Nature was the link to us. I know it sounds dramatic, but I can only tell you that it is an elevated feeling and must be felt to be understood.

It might be funny to most of you if I say that I don’t get to hear my love’s voice much. Not always everything is plain and simple as it seems. Tell me, what is not funny about life. We go to sleep every night without any guarantee that we will wake up next day, purely on a faith, that is how funny life is. I never told this to her directly, but her voice simply melts me and still echoes in my head. I felt her presence closer than ever before, felt her nearby. I am not a hopeless romantic. You think I am exaggerating? I will leave it to your imagination. he… he…

We shed tears when our hearts are full, either through pain or pleasure. I seem to have shed tears in the last few weeks purely out of happiness. Either way it's an emotional outpour of extreme senses that comes out as tears, sometimes we sense it on our skin, sometimes under it, and sometimes deep from our heart. Our heart never lies.

I will continue to the next leg of my journey; to the place where I found my profound love three years ago. I know what you are thinking after you read this. You are free to judge my actions. You are free to form opinions and think I did it for an experience, but according to me I went after my soul. Many have an image of me, only a few get the picture. So if you are one of them, then you would understand.

Some food for thought, for our next conversations:

• 1. Have you ever thought why they say you should never share your life goals in public?

• 2. Never promise when you are happy.

• 3. The way you feel a certain way is often not because of you, but attributed to the people who you are with, and spend time with.

• 4. A smile can hide a million secrets, but tears bring out real emotion.

Enough of judging me, 😊 but did it cross your mind, did you give it a thought, what would you have done if you were me? Would you have gone after the profound love if your heart validated it as true, and was reachable?

To be continued…

**21 Nov 2023

Breathe.

No person is sent to you by accident. Isn’t it true how a person makes you feel says a lot about them than you? One day, when you least expect, someone crashes into you, making you feel yourself, making you feel real, kindling those emotions which you have never felt before, allowing you to be yourself without any need to explain yourself. Keeping it simple and real, with no ego, the right amount of complexity, adventure, and passion in their soul. And that moment, you realize that life is never going to be the same because you have felt it within you. You are scared because you are vulnerable. You know it is rare.

Such a love encourages us to look inward, confront our fears, and heal our wounds, allowing us to experience personal growth and a deeper connection with the divine or the universe. Such a love inspires you. Such love never hurts. Soon I will start my spiritual journey, to feel closer to my heart, for self-discovery, and a more profound connection with the love I found.

Have you wondered why people visit temple or church when God is omnipresent?

I am embarking on a long journey. I will be gone for a while. So, taking a moment to say, spread joy, stay safe, blessed, kind, and beautiful.

To be continued…

**03 Nov 2023

An interesting conversation.

Thank you everyone for your emails. I was deeply moved by the kind emails for the last post dedicated to Bubbles. It means alot to me. I have gratitude for the kindness. Thank you.

I met someone recently who had conquered Mt. Everest. It isn’t an easy achievement. I aspire to conquer it one day. I believe in afterlife, rebirth, eternal soul but he was a man of science. We quickly spiraled into a conversation after I asked him what triggered him to climb The Everest. His perspectives and thoughts were very different from mine. After everything I said, I found myself being challenged by him. There were times when he managed to shake my faith a tad bit. His belief was there was only one life, after birth and rebirth are plain hoaxes. He believes all of this was put forward by religions to scare humanity, to make humans heavy with moral obligations, to make people walk a straight line drawn by religious institutions. According to him, “You” are a sum of all thoughts and emotions encoded by neurons, and cells in the body, and everything stops when oxygen supply is inhibited. The entire composition of “You” is unique because this can be never recreated. Nothing more than that.

The funny thing is that I partly agree with his statement. I do trust that “You” is a unique composition. All of us are unique and rare. Everyone is different. And that is a beauty in itself. But I don’t agree with his statement on the composition being just fired by chemicals.

While I do agree that the very human nature is about control. We are control freaks. Everyone wants to control every other person, and everything around them. Because finally ego comes into play. It takes a lifetime for people to realize that in reality everyone is powerless, finally nature takes over and you must let go. But until then, everyone wants to hold on to that temporary string. Strange but true.

I was cheeky and won this conversation by challenging him with science. Science in itself is flawed. It is a set of rules with the limited knowledge we know so far. In science, one does not "prove" anything. One either supports or fails to support a given hypothesis.

And as I ended the conversation, I understood and realized that some part of him was constantly longing to be challenged, because he wasn’t fully convinced that life was just a chemical and biological phenomenon. He was desperately in search of answers just like all of us.

My faith is strong, and it is based on my personal experiences which science and logic have failed to explain. Sometimes there is pleasure in enjoying the mystery and not trying to unravel it. When time comes, maybe it will unravel itself. Yeah?

**26 Oct 2023

My bud.

Grief is the most honest reflection of love.

My dear Bubbles, it has been 9 years since you left me. I wish I could go walking with you. I still remember the day you came home as a puppy; you cried the whole night and you wanted to sleep on my bed. My mum was against it. I stayed awake and put you to sleep. I miss those moments when we sat next to each other in silence, when we used to talk, our evenings by the lake. I still visit our secret place. I feel your presence when I go there. I miss watching you sleep peacefully, and how you used to open one eye to check on me and then go back to sleep. I miss the way you used to keep your paw over my hand when you sleep, I understand it was to let me know that you were always next to me. I miss those nights when you climb over and sleep next to me. Sometimes you would pull my hair, and not leave my bed. I am sorry I used to get bugged with your hair on my bed all the time. I remember how you used to find gaps in my blanket and sneak into it in the morning to wake me up. I used to love that, sometimes I used to pretend to be asleep just to fool you and see your reaction. I used to love seeing your face first in the morning. My best days were when you woke me up. My heart aches when I think of those days now.

I still feel how much you used to miss me when I left home, now I know. I wish I could feel you rub your face against mine one more time. I wish I could have held you for 1 more minute before you left me that day. I want to go back to those days, live it one more time. I never imagined a life without you before.

After you left us, all of us cried for weeks. Everything in our lives reminded you. We used to sit at the dinner table and sink in silence because all of us used to secretly feed you with food from our plates under the table. We used to find your toys in the most unexpected places and feel lost. Ma and dad were disturbed and upset. Grandma stopped eating for days together after. We couldn’t take the silence at home. We used to narrate your stories again and again, just to feel you, then break into tears. I couldn’t focus on anything; you left a void in our lives. I stopped listening to music for a while. Some days we used to wake up not realizing that you were gone, and then slowly the grief would sink in that you are no longer with us. Those were the most difficult days for me. Grandma tried to console me that you were still with us, and she used to tell me that you have been with us in the past and will be in the future. Her astrologer friend told that. Those days I used to believe it was a coping mechanism, but I want you to know that I have evolved. A lot of things of my life have made me realize a lot of things about me and us, life in general.

Bubbles, I know you hear me now; and I feel you are near me most of the time. Watching me, protecting me. You have always guided me to do the right things. Ma and dad are also thinking about you today. All of us miss you. We talked about you today. Grandma has kept flowers and a bowl of water for you at home. I want you to know we miss you. You always chose me, in all circumstances. You were my unconditional love. So many years have gone by but still, I think it remains in all of us because it is not easy to forget you, because you are etched in our hearts.

I have never lost anyone I loved. You made me feel the pain of losing someone I love, until now.

I miss you, Bubbles. I wish I could see you, talk to you. I love you, my boy. I want to hug you one more time. I have so many things to share with you. There are so many things that have changed in my life. I have so many interesting stories to share. I found someone. I wish you were with me during these days of my life. I miss you and I want you to know that. I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten you. I am the luckiest dad ever and I don’t know what I deserve to get you in my life. I am glad we spent those days together. I want you to know that you are always my best bud. I had thought about adopting another puppy, but I still have not got the courage to do it. Nobody can take your place, nor will I give that place to anyone else. I understand this is life and must let go of people who need to go. All of us must go through this. I know you are in a better place with your girl. I want you to know that I am not sad today, but I miss you. You know me better than anyone else. I am eagerly waiting for the day we meet again, and I am sure you are too.

**04 Oct 2023

A mango seed.

I have been spending some time with my friend who is a monk, hiking through forests. Like Buddha said, we are our company, isn't it? So associating with good people and spending quality time with good friends, trying to learn something from them. I must admit that he has amazing story telling and narration skills. One such story resonates with me; thought I write it:

In a little town (totally irrelevant) There was a boy who loved mangoes. His school taught him about forestation, and the idea of how he could plant a seed, and it would sprout and grow into a tree fascinated him. This possibility of creating life, totally awed him. So, after school he went to the supermarket and got mangoes. After eating a mango, he went to the backside of his school, dug a hole, and planted the seed. Thereafter, he would visit the site daily to water the seed. He also put a fence around the seed so that no animals disturbed it. In the morning, he would go check on the seed if it had sprouted, then he would talk to it, and shower his love. He would leave to school afterwards and attend his classes. His thought was always on the seed. He would imagine how it would sprout; think of the unlimited number of mangoes he would get from it. He imagined playing around it. Sometimes worried that animals would destroy it. He was always distracted. As soon as the school got over, he would run back to the backside, to check on the seed again. Sometimes, he would dig out the seed and check if it had sprouted and bury it again. Days passed; the kid was disturbed and disheartened because he saw no signs of life. He would sit daily and talk to it; say he loved it and wants it to flourish. Weeks passed, he would dig out the seed and check daily if it had made progress. There was not a single day he missed. Months passed and then he became frustrated. Finally, he gave up, and stopped pursuing the seed. He decided that this was an ultimate waste of his time. And in the next few days, the boy moved on. That is the end of the mango story you might think.

Years passed and the boy grew up, he fell in love with a lovely girl from the same school. They both were in so much love that they spent a lot of time together. Sometimes they would talk to each other for hours together, and sometimes she was busy. So, the boy used to feel detached and unloved lacking attention. He used to follow her everywhere. He used to think that if he stayed away, the girl would be fall in love with someone else. He thought that love was all about showing himself in front of her all the time. His insecurities amplified so he started to question her a lot. He became overly obsessive, and she started to feel suffocated in the relationship. A big fight broke between the two and the girlfriend left to her home to have some alone time as it was too much to process.

The boy with a heavy heart, questions why this happened. In search of answers, goes for a long walk. His mind was full of doubts and suspicion. He was partly jealous that he was giving her alone time. As he walked past his school’s backyard, he trips over a stone and falls. He hit his head. As he looked up, he notices a big mango tree. He recognized the tree. It was the same tree he planted years ago. The tree had grown so big and tall, it had numerous mangoes. His eyes filled with tears, and that was a moment of enlightenment for him, and he realized that he was being stupid.

He understood that the tree never sprouted earlier because he was constantly checking by digging it out. He never gave it any space to grow. This is a lesson in life, if you want something to grow, you need to do your bit and let it take its course. The same goes for people and relationships. He understood that “Trust” is the base of love. He went back to his girlfriend and apologized, they were happy ever after.

Sometimes in life, when things are out of your control, you have to do your duties, and let the universe take its course. There will be times, when you have to trust the universe and take a leap of faith, and you will be rewarded.

**26 Sep 2023

Believe in yourself.

Sometimes, life itself is a very heavy thing. Some say it is beautiful, some say it is painful, some say it is adventurous. Actually, it is all of those. It is so easy to get distracted today because of technology and worldly commitments, it can get overwhelming. There is always a peer pressure to shine on social media. Sometimes societal, sometimes family, sometimes money, sometimes just social obligation. Pressures come in different ways. Somehow, we are all expected to take in these pressures because we want to show the world who we are, but why?

In life, sometimes people hurt, sometimes we are cheated, sometimes betrayed, sometimes taken advantage of, I know some of you are dealing with grief, and some of may be have addiction problems, that you are not able to put an end to and you are frustrated. Maybe all this has pushed you into depression. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

You are not alone. Every one of us is going through something, and we are all trying to supress and hide this feeling. Because we are ashamed of admitting it. Because we are scared if society finds out, or sometimes we afraid that we will be considered weak. We try to to handle it gracefully because we don’t want anyone to know we are struggling. I want you to know that there is a way out and it is not by ending your life. Life is valuable.

It is easy to play the victim, but also remember that it is not your fault, people can be deceiving and manipulating without your knowledge. Does everyone have your best interest in their mind? May be not. So, don’t be hard on yourself. I want you to know that you can heal. It is fine to fail. There is no need to stick to the societal definition of success. Be brave and courageous to define your own definition of success. Fall and rise, and the more you do. The easier it is for you to rise. So, it is okay. Everything is and everything will be. Don’t punish yourself for the way the world treats you, the world doesn’t have to treat you well. Don’t pity and sympathize unless you really need to. You are much greater than all this.

It is easy you can lock yourself in a box. It is easy to shut down. I know how easy to think that it will all end if you end yourself. Sometimes life can be suffocating enough to just think of ending it and moving on. I want you to think for a moment the number of peoples lives you have touched by a good deed. I want you to think for a moment how it would be if you lived your life the way you wanted to. Yes, you can. You owe to yourself to feel good and make yourself happy. Please don’t give up. If nothing makes you feel better, then seek professional help.

Go outside, sit in the sun. Sit by the lake, sip a cup of tea. Take your time. Watch the Swans swim. If you think it makes sense, then go travel. It is not a distraction but you deserve to take time to try and see, experience the beauty around you. I promise eventually you will see the beauty that lies in you.

September 10th was world suicide prevention day. I want you to know that you are not alone. Life is much bigger than your worries, sorrows. It will pass. Tomorrow will not the same, things will get better. I know there is no reason to believe me today, but you should believe in yourself.

Try share anything that has been bothering you with your loved ones. I open up to the people I trust, love and are close to my heart, it helps me. And I advise, you should too. Comfort from the people who love you helps.

**12 Sep 2023

Gratitude.

Thanks for all your wishes. Hi, how have you been? Another year has passed. Time flies, I cannot believe, this year is flying. I am grateful for everything. I think I have reached a point where I have stopped counting my age. Age doesn’t guarantee wisdom. Right?

I am living one day, one moment at a time, at least I am trying to. I have much clarity than before. I have nothing to complain. Life is good.

I am happy and full of positivity. I rarely feel unhappy, but who am I kidding, there are times and that is life. It sort of makes sense to me now, that true happiness comes from self fulfillment rather than from pursuits of self-gratification or materialism. I remember at least in my early and mid-twenties I used to go in search of happiness. I used to travel to places to feel happy, I needed experiences to feel good. I understand that pursuit for happiness was unworthy. I think you can relate to it; but at that time, if you had told me that these are temporary, I would have never believed you. I think we need those experiences to agree and make peace with ourselves, to put us on the right track. I don’t know why, but somehow at that time, it didn’t get to me. Now, I understand what makes me happy and I know to get better at it and retain it. It is true all material objects fade and rust, no matter how they glitter.

Each of us have a fundamental obligation to ourselves - to discover the reason for our existence. Don’t you think? I had this question all the time, I have finally stopped searching and continue to live. I have heard this several times, from different sources, to listen to the voice inside of me, to listen to my heart. I have always listened to my heart, and I continue to do so. I feel the reason deep in me, and listen to it more often, I live by it daily. It has worked for me always. and when I listen to my heart I have always done the right thing. I recollect a quote by Steve Jobs,"And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want. Everything else is secondary."

I generally don’t advice anyone, I observe. But I completely stopped advising even closest of my friends, and just listen to them when they need me. This has helped me because I don’t need to worry if they take it or not. Most people don’t have an idea what they want to do with their life. So, I should not be telling people what to do with their life. People need validation, and unfortunately, in this world, it isn't enough that it comes from the people we love or value, it needs to come from someone who has been through the same journey as ours. Last year, I understood that not everyone will listen to you the way you want them to, because everyone thinks their journey is unique. Well, this was not really last year but over the time I have realized that sometimes I should learn to listen. I am working on it.

I wish everyone is healthy and happy. Thanks for reading. I know I have been inactive for a while. I have been trying to focus on some personal priorities. I have a few trips planned in the upcoming months, so I think I am likely to be on and off.

**04 Sep 2023

Days like this.

I am lost. Today is one of those days, where my energy levels are low. As I sit and sip my evening tea, I am just scribbling my thoughts. I am fully drowned in my thoughts, and this fills my heart with cloudiness. On the outside I have been laughing a lot today. But I am heavy from the inside. I do not have a clear vision beyond a point in life. I sit and think what is happening around me. I don’t know why I feel this way. I feel everything around me is sucking every ounce of energy from me. I feel am not going forward in life, there is so much incomplete. Why do I feel I am running out of time? Why do I feel this is an onset of something- a lull before the storm? I feel that everything around me limits me from being myself. I feel like a bird with a heavy stone tied to its leg. I feel like what ever I do, the universe is cancelling all my efforts to move forward. I am strong but I am pleading strength. I feel so beaten yet I have been positive the whole day. I am lost. And finally, why do I feel that the one I love is struggling in life? This is a note to myself to tell that I know this will pass to take a deep breath. I trust in my abilities. I trust in my efforts and hardwork. I trust this universe and the way it rewards good people. I trust everything is for good. I am confident that I am good at heart. I am worthy. I trust that only good things happen to good people and to everyone around them, I have seen this happen in my life, not once, not twice, so many times that I live by it. I want to remind myself of all the great things around me, all the things I have achieved so far, to see who I am. I want to remind myself that I am doing the right thing, only good will happen. I am not afraid.

Thanks for reading.

**10 Aug 2023

Storm.

Hello. How have you been? Sorry, I have been missing for a while. I was busy sorting some personal things out. Thanks for checking on me, I am alright.

I think it wouldn’t be an exaggeration if I say that was on a pilgrimage. I travelled to a far-off land, disconnected from the world. I was on a trip with few of my friends, and one of them leading a ‘monk like life’, since couple of years ago. What I mean to say is, he lived in the shaolin temple for a few years, and in many Buddhist monasteries. It was an interesting and valuable experience for me to see his transformation. I find his way of thoughts different different from mine.

During the trip, we had many interesting conversations. I find his crystal-clear clarity fascinating, and how he makes sense of everything. We spoke about life in general. As we hiked together, we had so many meaningful, interesting, and insightful conversations. We spoke about old books, the way world works, miracles versus magic- did you know the difference? How first is an act of universe and latter being illusion created by man. I enjoy such meaningful deep conversations; it was a delight to listen to him.

We discussed how the perception of emotions and feelings have changed drastically these days due to the advancement in technology. We draw boundaries in our minds about the virtual life and reality, but our mind and body still feel everything beyond these boundaries. The same reason why we get frightened in a horror movie, the same way we could close our eyes and teleport to anywhere in this world. It is always great to spend time with like minded people, it relishes your soul.

It is a wonderful thought to live like a monk, but I don’t I think I have it in me. (at least yet) I am very much tied to worldly pleasures and tied to this materialistic world. I wish to shift my thinking slowly for a greater good but at least now am not there yet. But the peace draws my attention.

There were many stories but this one stuck to me:

Faith: A man decided to climb the highest mountain in the world, and he trained for a year to do it. He did everything he possibly could for the expedition. It was unfortunate that at the very start of his climb, he was hit by harsh weather. Despite the bad weather, he decided to continue. He prayed – “God, I believe in you, please save me”. He decided to continue his journey and put all the pressure on God. After he reached halfway mark, he felt extremely cold. He was shivering, his lips cracked, toes frozen. Once again, he decided to continue his journey, “God, I believe in you, please save me.”.

He almost reached the peak, but the visibility was poor. He accidentally tripped over a stone and fell off the edge of the mountain. It was a straight free fall to the bottom. As he was falling, his whole life rushed in front of him. He screamed out loud with fear – “God, I believe in you, please save me”. And suddenly, he hit a branch of tree, and the climbing rope tied to his back caught on a branch of the tree. He was hanging by the rope. He kept on praying “God, I believe in you, please save me.”.

And after a while, he heard a voice from behind his head say – “Let it go, it is okay”. With no visibility, and harsh winds, he had no idea what lies beneath him. His imagination started to run wild. He started to think of all the gruesome ways he could die falling so he kept on holding to the rope. He thought his mind was playing tricks on him so he kept ignoring that inner voice and kept hanging. After a day in those harsh weather conditions, he died a freezing death.

He went to heaven and started to question God. He questioned why he wasn’t offered any help despite his prayers.

God smiled at him and said-"I tried to help you many times. You were never ready to save yourself, you chose this for yourself. When the first thought of climbing the mountain came to you, you were afraid to do it. Remember the voice in your head that told you not to do it? – That was me, through your consciousness telling you that this is a difficult task. But you still wanted to do this, so I listened."

"Then when you began the climb, remember the harsh weather? It was nature’s way of telling you now is not the time. You ignored the sign and continued. But what did you expect me to do? Change the order of nature so that you can successfully climb? Do you realize that there are a million other life forms that depend on the rain from that storm?"

"Remember, after you climbed halfway up, you felt cold, didn’t you? That was a sign that your clothing was not adequate, you were not prepared for this. I wanted you to go back and return prepared. But you ignored the sign, you continued."

"And finally, when you fell, and hanging by the rope, I still didn't just let you fall. I put that tree in your path so that you don't hit the bottom and I whispered into your ears to let go of the rope, but you were holding on to it because you didn’t trust me, your consciousness. You were holding on to it because you thought you knew everything with the limit knowledge you had."

"Why do you always expect God to make miracles? Why didn’t you listen to subtle signs that I left you. Why can’t I communicate to you through everything that is around? Through your feelings, through your emotions? How can you ignore everything and then complain that I didn’t help you?"

The man said- “Okay fine. I agree you left signs, and I didn’t observe them. There is so much distractions around me, I couldn't focus on to connect with you, my consciousness. But I am angry at you, you knew I was distracted. And I am angry because you asked me to leave the rope, at alast. You were fed up with me and you wanted me to die so that all this is over, isn’t it?”

God laughed and said- “Do you want to know why I asked you to let go of the rope? Here look.”

God showed the man that he was hanging 4 feet above the ground and if he had let go of the rope, he would have landed safely and not have died.

God said – “I am not fed up with anyone. Everyone is equal for me. I have given freedom to everyone, to choose the life they want, where they can be happy, do what they wish, but they make their choices, and also make everything my responsibility. And I am blamed. So, by now am sure you have understood that your decision to climb the world’s highest mountain didn’t kill you, the decisions you made along the way did. I can only help the people who help themselves. If I do everything in your life, then I will be just a puppeteer. I want you to make your own choices, do good to each other, make use of the life and use it wisely, meaningfuly. Having faith is as important as praying.”

There are alot of take aways from this story and am sure all of you can make sense of it.

Thanks for reading.

**01 Aug 2023

Crossroads.

Life is at a crossroad right now, and I need to take a left or right. There is so much happening around me that everything seems to have changed. I still am observing everything around me. I am reminded of the saying; it feels like nothing has changed but if you look back slowly everything has. May be all this pondering started with the news that one of my close friends is getting married soon, the other just became a father, another one is expecting his second kid. These are folks I grew up with and used to hang around. I am happy for them. There is this societal pressure to get to somewhere and am not sure where. But why? To be honest, I don’t even think anyone benefits from my life progression. But funnily everyone is curious and thanks to the people around me, I feel like a celebrity already.

At this point, I don’t know why I find it strange that freedom is a word of manipulation, how people make me believe that I am free, for their own selfish reasons. It is more of a transaction for their reasons. As such I have never felt any pressure from the society but slowly this thought is consuming me. The thought that my biological clock is ticking is making me worried a bit. I don’t really bother proving myself to anyone, everyone perceives me and has their own version of I, sometimes good, sometimes as villain and that is never the true reflection of me. I am putting myself first, but somehow, I feel that am being selfish, and I know that am going to crush happiness of others around me. I guess that’s the side effect of my choice. I feel selfish.

I am sorry that it sounds like a rant, but this is reality. Right now, I am going to laugh it out loud, call it a joke. xD I think I am a hippy because I keep travelling, do yoga, and I accept everyone for who they are, and love wonderful music. Only thing missing right now is smoking weed, which I don’t like to do. He..he..he.. I don’t even know if that is even who I am or if there is a word for people like me. How I find it strange, that I feel proud and stuck at the same time. Unfortunately, it is what it is.

Thanks for reading.

**10 July 2023

Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

Hello... How have you been? I have been trying to sort some personal things out, so I have not been active.

Recently, I ran my first full marathon. This was one of to-do items for this year. I have been training for more than 7 months and I finally did it. I have done a few half marathons before, but this was whole different level. I will admit, although I made it look easy, it was not, but I am happy I did it. It gives me a deep sense of achievement and satisfaction because it was for a charity for cancer patients. I didn’t win it, but I managed to finish it well within an acceptable time.

I am quite surprised how this was quite a task for me. I didn’t expect it to be this difficult, but I agree I underestimated it. The final 2 kilometres were pure mind games. There were instances close to the halfway mark, all I could think of was taking a long warm shower or enjoying a jacuzzi, and questioning why I chose to put myself through this. But I buckled up and just thought, now that I am doing it, let me stop cringing and finish it.

As much as it was exhausting physically, it was equally mentally. After the halfway mark, my mind wanted to call it done. At least couple of times, during the run I thought of quitting, and calling it half done. But my heart didn’t give up, I kept fighting my urge to give up. At a point, I made it clear to myself and decided that, I don’t care even if I die, quitting was not an option. That was the last time that thought came to my mind. After that, all I could see was the finish line.

When I entered the event, I did not look forward to win. My personal goal was to just finish it even if I was the slowest of the slowest. My co-runners were highly experienced and done this at least 6-7 times before. I was an amateur, I didn’t let that thought get to my head. I kept my focus on the goal. That helped me because I only saw what was important.

Training for a marathon requires strict discipline and consistency, and is very different from other sports. When I initially thought of doing this 8 months ago, I had lot of motivation but then I didn’t stop there, it was the discipline to train, what made it happen. Even though I had a major change in my diet recently, it didn’t affect me much.

I was able to take tons of lessons from this into my daily life. A lot of what I experienced during the event applies to life in general:

• 1.Life is not a race, but a marathon. Life gives you what you ask of it. So don’t wait for anything to come to you. Life is now and is also about sustaining what we have now till the end. There were times when I paced and exhausted myself, then I realized that I had to slow down if I must reach the finish line because at that pace, I was in the verge of exhaustion even before the halfway mark.

• 2.Energy management is a key skill. Just like how energy management plays a key role in a marathon, we ought to manage our energy in real life. I am still learning to spend it on only what really matters, give my energy to only the people who I care for and are genuiene. Be it people, or situations. I understand that there is no need to try to more than required. What is ours is always ours, it should come to us naturally, without trying hard.

• 3.Human mind is incredible. I completely agree to this from personal experience, and this is a testimony. If you think you can, you really can. There is nothing that is impossible. The thought of helplessness limits your energy, slows you down in an unimaginable way. It is all about perspective, you can either look at 42 km or 4 x 10 km runs. If I recollect my run, I went into deep focus, and shut everything else out. All I did was focus on my breathing, running rhythm and one step at a time, which was essentially required for my survival. I didn’t worry about competition, or my co-runners, or my position.

• 4.Peer pressure is real. It happens unconsciously. I was biased by my co-runners, the very experienced ones, they had a certain style of running, and I tried to copy them, because I thought that was the perfect way. But then after a while, I understood that it was making me uncomfortable and affecting my pace. I quickly recovered to my original style which I was comfortable with. This is a perfect example of how we get sidelined by everything happening around us. We start living a life that the world wants us to live and be disappointed that we are not at our best. If we just focus on one thing at a time that makes us happy, it helps. There is always peer pressure, pressure from society, sometimes unconscious bias that makes us believe there is another way. We start to focus on completely unimportant things in life, and attempt in pleasing others. Long run is all about cutting the noise and focussing on what is important.

• 5.Fear was my greatest enemy. Fear of loosing was the worst. My mind started to think of self-worth. I started to worry, how my final position will affect my image in the society – in front of my friends, family, and other co-runners. I started to fear of failure. I took a deep breath and told myself several times that it doesn’t matter even if I lose. I think this was an important realization. All that mattered to me was that I tried. It helped me. The moment I saw that I was learning from this experience, my perspective changed. I did not feel any pressure to perform.

• 6.I saw a man break down during the marathon, and I saw many people ignore him, and run past him. Nobody bothered to lift him up or call the medic. Unfortunately, that is reality. People chase personal goals; they will not stop for anyone else. Mostly people are selfish and they won't care for others unless there are personal motives. It taught me that humanity is more important than my personal goals or gains. It showed me that I just couldn’t walk past that point ignoring him. It showed me that my heart was in the right place.

• 7.Finally, doing good will only make you powerful, it will elevate you in ways you cannot imagine. If you pay attention, it helps you grow. I don’t think I would have run this marathon for the sake of a competition. I did it for the cause and because it was charity. In turn, this taught me so many lessons. I believe, we always get more than what we give. It is the universe’s way of teaching lessons that are important, it is finally its way of caring that you exist, because are a part of it and you are important.

I am a firm believer of results don't matter, but the effort does. I have begun to understand that results do matter, I just failed to see it. While I thought that the result was the final position in the marathon, the universe had a different plan. It made me understand that the result was the journey and not the outcome.

Thanks for reading.

**12 June 2023

Mental Health Awareness Month.

Hello. How have you been? An old friend called me up today. We spoke for a few hours on the phone, and we caught up about our how our lives have changed. A classic example of how nothing looks changed but if you look back everything has. After speaking to them for some time, we had a major argument. We started to debate about something petty. As such the topic is irrelevant but there was so much negativity, and frustration in their tone. In general, I enjoy a healthy debate, but what is the point of arguing for the heck of it? I stopped saying anything and remained to be passive because I understood that this was not adding any value to me or them. As much “Gyan” I like to spread, it is none of my business to express my view, so I was quiet.

I understood that people may debate to just get their views straight. (In their heads) It must be bothering them so much that they want others to contradict them in every possible way. It is such a psychological thing, when someone contradicts your belief, the knee jerk reaction is to contradict them, to question why they think so, and then argue until we convince them it is not true.

I argued a bit, but in the process, I could see that it was affecting them. I understood that they were going through something. I could feel that this was a mechanism for them to reveal their pain, it was a way for them to justify their actions. It hurt their ego when I rejected and dismissed their experience with a simple statement. I understood that it was my privilege to contradict them, and I shouldn’t take advantage of it. I tried switching the conversation more than a couple of times, but they kept coming back to the same topic. So, I listened, I didn’t argue, I didn’t say a word. I guess this is what it is, you go look for validation in the things you do, and if people agree or pretend to your beliefs then you keep them around otherwise, you kick them out. Finally, they shared what they were going through. I felt sorry for them, and could emphathize with them. I finally understood their behaviour.

Life is not easy; everyone is going through something. All of us wear masks in our daily lives, which sometimes puts us off track, due to no fault of our own. Sometimes we forget that:

• Never judge a book by its cover.

• A person who appears strong in front of others might be weak from inside.

• A person who is successful in career, might be struggling in personal life.

• A person who laughs, and is talkative might seem very happy from the outside, also might be dropping a crushing from the inside.

• Everyone has dreams but does not have the same level of motivation to pursue them.

• A person who is soft hearted could also get angry.

• A person who has a strong will power might also be emotional.

• A person can have a million people around them but lack real friendship.

• Someone who is creative can also feel useless.

• There are people who can listen to people for hours, but have noone to listen to them.

• Some people can be shy and cannot express their feelings openly, but they might be sharing a lot with the world anonymously.

• Everyone has a child in the inside.

• A person with an innocent face can be the one who has a mature mind.

• A person who looks for logical reasoning in everything can also be filled with emotions.

• A person might be passionate but still procrastinate.

Mental health is as important as physical health. I wanted to remind that May is “Mental Health Awareness Month” so this might be a good time for a rain check. It is okay to be “not okay”.

Although I am not a person who really bothers or get constricted my soul to this society and its way of living. I always and certainly make sure of my happiness. Sometimes I am clearly lost, and I am not ashamed to admit it. Well, we all are. There is nothing to be ashamed of it. I think it is good to be like that because it's also the process of discovering who we are. I have been to sports psychology and psychotherapy sessions, and I can vouch that it helps. It helped me to put things in perspective. You always don’t have friends who can listen to you without judgements. Your friends are related to you, and their thoughts might be biased. So, getting help from someone who is qualified, can analyze your situation better and help to get you some clarity. Don't get caught in scoietal taboo and stigma, that therapy sessions are for Cuckoos. The society are not the ones that come to help you when you are in distress.

For the start, you could share anything that has been bothering you with your loved ones. I open up to the people I trust and love. And I would advise, you should too. Of course, to the people who you trust other wise, you are just making a mockery of yourself. Talking helps. I may not be your best friend, but if you need someone to talk to, may be a ear that can just listen to your problems. Just wanted to say you can send me an email.

**07 May 2023

Ping.

Sorry, it has been a while I have posted anything. I went on an unexpected hiatus recently. My deepest apologies for anyone who has been worried about me over the past few months. Thanks for checking on me and caring. I am physically alright. Just struggling to cope up with my life right now because I zone out a lot now a days. I am lost and confused. I decided to be silent because I was afraid, I might pass on the negative energy. Obviously, like everyone else, I tried to fill the void with new experiences, which was clearly immature of me and is not helping. This too shall pass. Easier said than done, still trying to focus on what is in front of me.

Thanks for understanding and thanks for your kind wishes. Good day and rest of the week.

**20 April 2023

Happy Valentine's Day.

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not a poet, but I love you. I know it's cliché, but it's true, Happy Valentine's Day, to you!.” Happy Valentine’s Day folks!

To everyone here, I wish you can spend time with your true love today. Fearlessly fly thousands of miles together, explore corners of the world together, enjoy the small puddles in life, stick to each other and watch your backs forever. Cheers to a love that transforms you, opens your heart to new possibilities, and gives you a reason to live a happier and more fulfilling life.

"If you love someone, you should let them know because life is as fragile as snow". You might be living your life in this world, but to one person you may be the world.

Thanks for all your kind wishes.

“Love is about letting the person you love choose what they want”

**14 Feb 2023

Raising Cancer awareness.

One thing life has taught me well is that every day, if you look at it candidly, we are walking towards death one day at a time. All of us know that one day, we must walk over to the other side. But life takes a 360 degree turn when you suddenly have to live with the fear that that day might be near.

I spent five years in healthcare contributing to cancer research where I had the experience of being close to some people who suffered from cancer. It changed me radically. I understood how some of us are privileged to have good health. Cancer doesn’t just kill you, it squeezes every ounce of energy, and drains you financially, physically and emotionally. Not just yours but everyone who is close to you, everyone you love-colleagues, friends, family, partner, just everyone around you. Life isn’t easy. With cancer, every day they go through the same cycle. So far, I have lost at least three people who were close to me to cancer and every single time, I have asked myself a million times, why it happened to them. Two of them were young, they were in their mid-20s and 30s respectively. I have spent considerable number of my years with them and see them grow into this beautiful personality until one fine day they learnt they had very limited time left. Like everyone of us, they had dreams, love, everything in their life for a perfect life ahead, they had their entire life in front of them. It still rings in my ears how they told me, they wished to do so many things, and had many things to do from their bucket list. They wanted to travel, visit their favourite places, experience culture. Every day they woke up with no motivation, sad, beaten, sick, and by the end of the day we would cheer them up. At the end of the day, they somehow manage to put a brave face. Although you could see that they were scared. As they went to bed, they would go happy, as motivated as ever. But then they wake up, and feel sadness and weak again. This cycle would repeat every single day. But none of them could be saved because their diagnosis was late. If only they found out they had the disease earlier, maybe they would have been in my lives now. But I understand, it is what it is.

I know a few people who found they had this disease early on and were able to fight it. They have gotten stronger, and wiser. I know their struggles and it took a lot of strength, effort, grit, hard work, to be what you are today. It has surely taught some valuable lessons. What I learnt from looking at people around me is that no matter what happens to you from the outside, it can never change you what you are on the inside. Life is not given; it is better to have a bad day than to have no day at all. Health should be everyone’s number one priority. Be spiritual, because finally it is what is within and inside of you, that gives you strength. Take care of your mental and physical well-being. Live every day to the fullest and appreciate what you have because remember some of us have no tomorrow.

Today is world cancer day. I know some of you who read this post personally, who were fighters. You fought and came out with glory. You are an example to each one of us. You are the guiding light and support to anyone who is going through it now. Tell your story to as many people as you can, show how brave you are and spread positivity, and hope. Raise awareness and reduce the illness.

Keep smiling and live every day like you have never lived before!!

**4 Feb 2023

a gloomy day

I have been closely observing the recent economic trends and last couple of days have been a tough day for many of my family and close friends. It is very depressing to see how many people are getting laid off around the globe right now due to the current macroeconomic situation. Many of the top companies have laid off many folks this week. Losing a job creates great degree of shock and disbelief. For the next few months, or for the year, times look uncertain to many people. I know many of you here, have some or the other relation to the tech industry. My heart goes out to all the friends and families who have been affected by recent layoffs. It is really crushing to see how in the past couple of days nearly 40000+ people have been laid off from top companies and not because of their fault. These are not just individual people but there are families too, who are going to suffer. Some of them have moved to a different country like the US and given their everything in their job to make their lives better, and today they must return to their home country because their employment has ceased to exist and there by work permit is void. It is devastating to feel helpless.

I don’t consider myself to have much experience in the field as I am pretty much over ten years into this industry so I cannot advise much. But I listen to my mentors, and I have learnt this from them. They have taught me to take a moment to understand that a job doesn’t define you, you have the power to define who you are. Work is a means to meet your ends and in no way defines who you are. Don’t let your job define your life. Being laid off does not reflect your value. You were not let go because you under performed. Don’t put a tag line of your company on to your name, it is just work and a job. Today’s business is tomorrow’s history. There is nothing to be embarrassed, and it is Ok if you want to take time to process the grief because everyone handles situation differently. I think we can learn from this experience, from now on, let us always have a plan B.

It is time, wake up, reimagine your career. Be the best you can be. There is a saying life closes the door but at the same time opens a window for you. If you were affected by the recent lay offs, I hope you and your loved ones can stay strong and get back at your feet. I want you to understand that life is not always smooth, and there are always troubles along the way. Take this time to stay together and stay strong with your families and loved ones.

I remember the last economic recession in 2008-2010, which started similarly. But after a while everything came back to normal, so this too shall pass. I may not be able to help you find a job, but in case you want to tell me something, or share something that has been troubling you, please feel free to email me. I will try to reply as much as I can. My thoughts are with you and if I can help, or just bounce some random thoughts off, please email me. I will be happy to share what I can.

A personal philosophy that I would like to share- “Appreciate the past, Maximize the present, and be optimistic about the future”. Good luck.

**20 Jan 2023

it's a wrap -2022

Thank you very much to everyone here. It has been a good year, and I hope it was for you too. I am sorry if it wasn’t, but let us look at it this way, it is over, and you have a new year in front of you. Thanks to all the Christmas and new year wishes. In life there are always ups and downs, highs and lows, the past year for me, was a reflection of that. I enjoyed the ups, and I challenged the downs. I learnt a lot and grew multi folds. I wished I could change a few things last year, but when I think of it now, it was perfect the way it is. I don’t think I would change anything. The universe has always been kind to me. Overall, it was a fun ride. I am still alive, and I cannot complain.

Thanks for checking on me. I am alright. I have been away a bit, been focusing on myself for the past few weeks. Christmas and new year holiday period is a bit sentimental for me and I chose to be in solitude during this period. The only people I have been in touch with during this period, for the past few weeks, are the people who I love and are important to me.

I have been indulging myself in lot spiritual activities lately and someone in the ashram reminded me of a beautiful saying by Paulo Coelho that I can strongly relate to - “Spiritual journey is not about becoming you, but it is unbecoming everything that isn’t you, so you can become who you were really meant to be”. Through the course of life, we get fascinated by people around us, pick up so many acts along the way, imitate others, wear thousand masks just to live an image. Eventually, we lose ourselves to the different acts we have put up without realizing we are slipping away, because our ego can be so big that, it wants to fool by consolation that we are in control. We want to be in control of everything, don't we? We want to be in control of us, others around us, the people we love, people we hate, strangers, ego is such a control freak. We tend to live and match with the idea that we have formed of us in our heads.

I learnt a valuable lesson today. I was observing people in the ashram, how they all wear white. They have sacred ash on their foreheads, with a streak of sandalwood. Some of them wear a charms bracelet with sacred inscriptions. And most of them wear a rudhraksha (It is a sacred bead mostly found in the Himalayas. These seeds have a unique vibration that plays an important role in spiritual seeker's life.) So I asked a sadhu in the ashram why people are dressed in a certain way in the ashram. Why can’t people wear anything they like? My question was does it matter what is worn on the outside, because we talk alot about soul, spirituality and looking inwards. If we are spiritual and dedicated at heart, how does any of this matter, does it? The question was not obvious about the attire but, it was intended at a much deeper thought. I was curious to know if the sadhus in the ashram caught my question. To my surprise, he caught it, I admit these folks are very sharp.

They smiled and replied- “Spirituality is not a status symbol. While you can publicize it, it will not add any value. The reason to be spiritual shouldn't be for other people to like you, it is for you to serve the purpose of your existence, it is for you to find inner peace, to be you. Sprirituality has become a brand now a days. Wearing a "OM" t-shirt doesn't make you resonate OM. It doesn’t make sense to say that you are on a spiritual path and look inwards if you are not spiritual from the outside. There is a reason why you should dress in a certain way. When you are on a spiritual path, you want to emit only a certain type of energy and dressing in a particular way supports the purpose. Your actions need to be first cleansed before you reach your inner self.”

Thank you for reading my posts, responding to them, sending me emails, and keeping up the conversation. Sincere gratitude for everything so far. I wish you and your family a great year ahead. Wish you good health and happiness. Stay good, do good. Happy new year.

**02 Jan 2023

Bitterness

There are days when people get on your nerves, provoke you, try to push you to your limits, test your patience. They suck every ounce of energy from you. Past couple of days have been like that. There is a breaking point where you cannot just take any more nonsense. In the end, you feel beaten, start questioning if you did the right thing. They make you start to wonder if you are unfair. What do you do with these people?

I don’t know how to handle them; but I am still trying. I honestly don’t think am doing a great job. But I am trying to not pollute my energy. What do you do when someone secretly finds your weakness and just uses it against you? Money makes people do a lot of things. Unfortunately, I am stuck in one such transaction from which am unable to bail out, and is exhausting me emotionally. Right now, I am going to take a deep breath, and give it time to think everything will be alright.

**13 Dec 2022

The story of the Velveteen Rabbit

I always thought that our birth state is a clean slate, and we are all spiritual by birth. I thought it is the worldly pleasures that messes us up. I thought our conscience is fully awakened when born. You would think that because there are no distractions, and you are fresh. But I learned that it is not. Consciousness is an evolving condition. Just like a butterfly. Like the rabbit in the the story “The velveteen rabbit”. Have you read that story? It was nice to read it, again recently. It is a wonderful Christmas story.

It is one of my favorite childhood stories, that my grandma used to narrate. It is metaphorical but a perfect example of spiritual evolution. The velveteen rabbit was a stuffed bunny who was gifted to a boy for Christmas. The toy was looked down, by all the toys because he was simple, and other toys called the toy unreal because it lacked mechanical sophistication. While in the nursery, the Velveteen rabbit meets – The Skin Horse (another toy) who becomes his mentor. The horse tells him that a toy becomes real, if the boy plays with it daily and loves him unconditionally. The rabbit wanted to be real. The rabbit was in the beginning just a stuffed bunny. But the boy always saw him for real. The boy would play with the rabbit daily. As the story progressed, the boy showered much love to the toy that the toy rabbit forgot it was a toy and started to develop feelings. The rabbit became so vulnerable with love, that it allowed the boy to do anything to him. While sleeping, sometimes the boy would sleep over him, push him under the pillow, the rabbit could sometimes not breathe because of that, sometimes that would tear him apart, and bruise him. The rabbit would silently bear all of it, out of his love for the boy. He would get damaged to an extent that nobody else would want to have him, yet all for the boy. The rabbit would sometimes snuggle closely to the boy to make him feel comfortable. As the time went on, the rabbit was always very happy, he was so happy that he never noticed how his body was damaged, his velveteen fur was getting shabbier and shabbier, and his tail was falling apart, and all his nose was all rubbed off where the Boy had kissed him. Whenever the boy needed the rabbit, he was there. He would go everywhere with the boy. So many weeks passed, and the rabbit grew old and shabby, but the Boy always loved him the same. The rabbit even lost his shape, and he merely looked like a rabbit anymore, except to the Boy. To him he was always beautiful, and that was all that the little Rabbit cared about.

Finally, one day, the boy was ill. He became so ill that he couldn’t get up from the bed and play. The rabbit was scared that someone would take him away, because he knew that the boy needed him. It took weeks for him to recover. The rabbit would keep looking at the boy if he got up. Finally, one bright sunny day the boy got up and the rabbit was happy. The doctor had asked the grandma to get rid of old clothes and toys that the boy had due to germs. That means, the rabbit would go too. The rabbit was put in a sack with rubbish to be burnt in a bonfire. To the rabbit's suprise, the boy didnt oppose at all. The rabbit was worried how the boy would live without him.'

That night grandma got the boy a new bunny, and rabbit saw the boy hugging the new bunny and sleeping. The rabbit was heartbroken, felt rejected and small, because his purpose was only to love the boy, and to be useful to him. The rabbit loved the boy so much, and now the only person he loved had left him to be destroyed. Nobody would even take the toy because it was damaged beyond repair, and because it was infected. All these emotions created feelings in that toy rabbit, took him to his peak of emotions and he shed his first tear, he cried. A fairy appeared out of nowhere and made him into a real rabbit. He then hops away with other rabbits who were once rejected.

The velveteen rabbit could have never enjoyed this reality if he was not touched by love and was vulnarable, to an extent that he was broken. This is a classic example of transformation. We become real when we are vulnerable, when we are deeply into someone. Transformations don't happen just by getting hurt, it can happen if there is true love. It is not necessary to get hurt, just the connection with that someone makes us real. I don’t know if you remember what the velveteen rabbit’s mentor “The skin horse” tells him - “becoming real hurts”. Unfortunately, it is true that becoming real hurts.

I personally think, this story teaches us three lessons, one, we must become vulnerable to transform. Two, we need to connect with that special someone, to know who you really are. All of us want to be real, don’t we? We are looking for a purpose. Third, it finally teaches you an important lesson, that we must choose the people who you can trust, those are the people who you can be vulnerable with and those should be the people who deserve you. Who values you, not for the moment but forever. Otherwise, they will play with you like a kid with a new toy and then move on.

All of us are subconsciously thinking about how we can be valuable, validate and accept us. We start to believe we are good and alive because of the way some people love us, when they see us as real.

**21 Nov 2022

A beautiful night to remember

You cannot describe some moments in your life because if you try to put them down as words, you are bound to fail. You just cannot describe its beauty because, it is a feeling within you. Unless you have felt it from deeply within you, it would be gibberish.

This was a few nights ago. It was a night to cherish.

Some people motivate you and sometimes you are left with a beautiful feeling in you. That feeling, which is ecstatic, makes you super charged, wants you to do greater things with your life, that screams out “life is beautiful”, you feel so alive that you lose your sleep over it. Like a kid that has had too much candy. (I had to use this phrase here 😊)

Some people have this ability to do so. It happens when they are next to you. When they talk to you. It happens when you talk to people who inspire you, who you admire. It happens to you when you talk to that one person who you have this unexplainable bond with. It is a beautiful feeling, which I cannot explain, which can only be experienced, and I wish all of you do.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. - Maya Angelou"

**06 Nov 2022

Butterflies.

What is with me and butterflies? I cannot explain why I am madly drawn to them.

This is not a recent craze, but from my childhood. They are remarkably beautiful. Now a days, they remind me of my purpose. They remind me how life starts small. It takes hard work and determination to fly high. They remind me of the fragility and shortness of life. The metamorphosis reminds me of spirituality and transformation. The way they awaken after some time and become the best versions of themselves. They constantly remind me that there are no shortcuts in life. There is no stage in life they could skip, there is no way to become beautiful without struggles and determination. They work hard to hatch and grow from ugly cocoons into creatures that have beautiful colorful wings, that we admire. Everyone looks at the beautiful wings and colorful patterns on them, but how many actually think of the hard days and obstacles that they had to go through, or the ugly cocoon at the beginning of their lives, to become this magnificent beauty. Did you know that if you help a butterfly open the cocoon and fly, they may be weaker than other butterflies? That is nature’s way of saying that we ought to go through the process. Skipping challenges, taking shortcuts, only make us weaker. We become stronger with challenges life throws at us. They remind us to embrace the challenges and become resilient. Gives me a sense of freedom. And at many levels, it reminds me of a love that is eternal, with an ultimate connection.

The beautiful thing is that the feeling is mutual, they seem to understand my feelings too. Look how comfortable she is, sitting on my palm. Surprised? No, I didn’t catch her, or force her, or arrest her. She is as free as she can be. Every time I am in a garden full of butterflies, I spread my arms open, and they sit on me. It was her choice to acknowledge that she isn’t scared of me. So comfortable that it feels like she knows me well. I feel deep sense of joy in me just looking at her, rubbing her feet and tasting my palm. It takes immense trust of soul to open your fears and be who you are. Maybe she does, maybe she understands my connection to her soul, just like I do. Science would say butterflies are attracted to my scent, but I say there is a connection that science cannot define, beyond everything else.

**21 Oct 2022