the mystic traveller.
A note to myself.
Remembrance.
A year ago, my friend lost her father. All along, the connection I made was built only through the stories shared by her and the legacy left behind. When he passed away, it evoked a sense of loss that was both real and surreal. I mourned the missed opportunities for conversations, shared moments, and the chance to know him personally. I had always wished I could meet him someday and always believed I would. Sometimes, we aren’t destined to get what we wish for. The universe brought a lot of clarity to me and reminded me that in life, anything could happen. Losing someone you've never met is a unique and profound experience. It challenged my understanding of grief and connection. I understood the emotional impact could be surprisingly deep, and as I mourned the loss of the soul, I also mourned the potential of what could have been.
This kind of loss reminded me of the power of soul connection and the ways in which I can be deeply affected by souls I've never had the chance to meet. It reminded me that grief is not limited to direct relationships but can extend to the broader human experience, touching me in unexpected ways. Mark Twain once said, "Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that makes you smile." Life is indeed short, and it is essential to enjoy it to the fullest. This sentiment is echoed in various aspects of my life. The brevity of life reminds me to seize every moment, embrace opportunities, and cherish the experiences that make life meaningful. You reminded me that I can't become who I want to be if I'm too attached to my present.
Today, I sit in my favourite spot, near the lake and the water reminds that one day I will be gone too. My mind had drawn stories of how our meeting would have been if we had a chance to meet. Maybe, we would have talked about your daughter, who is an important and only common soul in our lives. I am known to be a very practical person, but I understood practicality is just my mind trying to come up with reasons for the things my heart truly wished. The distinction lies with us.
I know this love will be one-way, and I understand I will be left with this longing forever because you have left us, and I can never receive this love back from you in this lifetime. But sometimes, I acknowledge, love is one way, and there is nothing I can do nothing to change it. Dad, now that you are not here, my heart and soul feel what you would have wanted me to do. I can still feel you because I visited where you rested. Your blessings are always with me. My soul knows you. You would likely want me to pursue my dreams and passions with unwavering determination. You would encourage me to strive for excellence in my career. You would have wanted me to do good to others and live a life where I help everyone. You reminded me to cherish the relationships I have. You would want me to be a simple person like you, but with a huge heart. Above all, you would want me to find balance in my life, taking time to enjoy the moments that bring me joy and fulfilment, whether it's spending time with loved ones, exploring new hobbies, or simply appreciating the beauty of life.
Dad, you are always loved and remembered. With love, from a friend, a soul who is close to you, remembers and loves you.
Serendipity.
Have you ever seen two blind people in friendship? Ever wondered how they became friends? Friendship and love, in its purest form, transcends all barriers—physical, emotional, and intellectual. In a sighted world, much of how people experience love is through visual attraction and body language. However, for blind individuals, friendship and love is experienced through heightened senses such as voice, and emotional intuition. This creates a bond that is less about the external and more about the internal connection between two people. For blind people, friendship is cultivated through shared experiences, common values, and deep emotional bonds. This can result in relationships that are less affected by superficial standards and more centred on the essence of the person.
In this context, the bond is stripped of societal expectations about attractiveness, allowing blind people to build their connection on more enduring qualities such as kindness, intellect, and shared goals. This type of bond serves as a reminder that true beauty lies in character, personality, and how two people treat and care for one another.
I compare us to two blind people who became best friends, who cared for each other.
Recently, I went on a journey to feed my soul. I was clear from the beginning, this journey was not about meeting her, but somewhere along the way, my emotions took over my priorities, and I think there was a misunderstanding that I came here to change her life. But I didn’t; I came here to meet her father and learn my lessons.
This journey has taught me many valuable lessons:
I heard a fatherly soul in heaven who had many experiences to share. These life lessons will help me in my life. I heard the voice say: “Love like you have never loved before, because tomorrow you will understand that you had a chance to love more, but you didn’t use it well. It is fine if people don’t understand you because, why should they? Finally, nobody really cares. Everyone needs something from you, and that’s why they are with you today—or because it is their duty. I did everything for my mother, but finally, I wasn’t there to take care of her. Don’t go after money, women, and power; you will not reach them. I gave up after a long chase. I wish I had freedom, had fewer responsibilities.” I let my heart open and felt deeply what I wanted to feel. I understand the mistakes he made; I will take these lessons into my life. I will meet him again in the future, when the calling comes.
Feeling love deeply inside is either a gift or a curse. I did not create this love inside me. My mind didn’t create it. You don’t fall for a person because they did something for you; you fall because your soul sees who they are, and they already mean a lot to you without a reason. There is no going back once that happens. A love that needs saving is not love at all. When someone is in front of me, I tune into their feelings. I haven’t lost my father, but I felt the pain she was going through, that of a longing daughter. I can understand there are so many unresolved emotions in that heart. She cried once more in front of me, thinking of her past and experiencing the pain she undergoes because of her work life. She was confusing who she was with her work, with the mask she wore and her past. I felt the heart wrenching pain again. I had tears in my eyes, and I tried to look away. It crushes me from the inside to see her tears. I have realized that my soul does not have the strength to witness her pain. I thought I was strong, but I realize I’m not. Maybe that’s why the universe chose to keep me away from her.
We show love the way we want us to be loved. I believe the universe put me through this experience, for me to learn my lesson. Whether this is real or illusion, I don’t know. I think it is for us to interpret it the way we want. Our mind can cook up any stories it wants to, but the heart is always pure. We search for the things we don’t have in others. I keep questioning what I was searching for when I already had everything in life. I was happy and content. At the end of this journey, I am confused and lost. The question is—when I already knew her the whole time, why did I seek an acknowledgement if she felt the same as me. Why was the answer to that question important to me? I regret asking her that question because it didn’t matter. It was not to put pressure on her. If she wanted to express something, she would have. What was missing in my life? What did I come searching for here?
All my life, I’ve had visions, and finally, when the day came, and she appeared in front of me, strange I couldn’t be myself fully. I didn’t know what to do because I was confused. I was surrounded by animals, but I couldn’t bond with them. I had to filter so many emotions. My heart felt overwhelmed. Her aura was powerful; her presence filled and consumed me in a positive way. I felt immense gratitude and happiness at the same time. Her eyes tell a thousand tales, and her soul speaks to me—her confusion, pain, happiness, goodness, wishes, everything. I felt she was fighting her emotions. I felt I was drowning. I like to look straight into the eyes of a person. I saw and felt her soul undergo pain and realization. A wave of acceptance hit me- “Why am I here in front of her? What was the reason we are here now? I am not in her life today, and I will be never tomorrow. Then why should she and I go through this today.”
Grief has taught me that life is short. Sometimes, we may not have a tomorrow to live the dreams we’ve planned for the future. When our future is uncertain, why worry about it? An important lesson I take from this journey is that life never forgets you. There’s always something left to love, to trust in, even if you feel like nobody loves you. The universe always shows you signs that somebody, somewhere loves you, and you mean the world to them. There were times I felt I was a complete stranger in the city, felt out of place, felt lonely, but that is when the lady outside the church decided to give me company and we shared a coffee together. It was a nice evening because we shared our experiences, and I found solace. Instances like these make me believe that love comes back to you. We don’t control how much time we have left in this world; we have to make our lives as beautiful as possible and not limit our love. I realized that I am someone who would travel 2000 miles to visit a close friend's dad, who was a stranger a year ago. Would someone else do it, I don’t know and is immaterial.
I continue to see the terrible suffering in this world. I saw selfishness, lot of negativity and narcissism. There are so many animals that need love and care. There are animals that were tortured without a reason, abandoned though no fault of their own. But I also see there is goodness in this world, and it is fighting to negate the negative. I see that there are other like-minded people who have sacrificed their time and lives to care for those souls that have nobody. She put these people in my path. I believe this is also a step forward to my enlightenment and alignment with the universe. It is also my purpose to help these folks in whatever ways possible.
I remember the words of the French philosopher Simone de Beauvoir: love allows us to reach beyond ourselves. It made me understand and realize who I really am. It made me understand that we fall in love with souls like ours. Love is not a choice; it just happens. I am not ashamed to have fallen in love with a beautiful soul, it only makes me worthy and pure. I learnt to embrace my feelings. On the other hand, relationship is a choice. I think often people confuse love, relationship and sex. Not all love ends in marriage. Our minds find reasons to un-love a person because it aspires for the perfect picture it created, and it comes up with its justification to see a purpose. Mind wants a reason to stay with a person, because it wants the person to be socially acceptable as defined by the mental image. But our heart attracts fragments of the universe that are just like us. Pay attention to what reaches for you in this life, and it is our duty to reach back. Be the person who cares; leave people better than you found them. Let go of love because if you hold it tight, it might suffocate and die. It is not your responsibility to make people feel your love, it is theirs to realize it. I must continue to love loudly, freely, tenderly, and I should never stop putting my heart into this world because this is who I am. A visit to the dog shelter made me understand how beautiful things can become when I commit to my purpose with all my heart. Love makes you do crazy things, they say. I think it’s not true. I think real and true love only aligns you with the universe, makes you focus on your goals, defines your path, and leads you to completely transform and become who you are. From the time I’ve known you, our love was never about “us”; it was always about our purpose. This friendship and love have touched some souls together. It has at least fed some children, homeless people, and saved animals. But I understand I have a long way to go. I realize now that I was never searching for a reason to love you or trying to justify my actions or impress you. Do you see we both were born this way?
Life is full of choices, and these choices define the path to our destination. We have to choose. Not choosing is also a choice in itself. I had heard it from her three times last year that she wanted to see me and asked me to visit her when possible. I understood I had to make a choice. I was not ready because even though it was friendship, I was unsure because I knew there was someone else in her life. I was not ready because I knew that she has not yet found herself. But the grief was calling me, I needed this journey. It was my choice to make it happen and endure this journey.
You will always be my best friend, guide, light, and special someone because, from deep down my soul knows and feels close to you. I feel we are at different stages in our lives. May be am ahead or may be far behind, I don’t know, only time will tell. My soul was seeking you even before we both met in this life. First, we work hard to gain spiritual experiences and enlightenment, and when we start to experience them, our mind wants to rationalise them and don’t want to accept them. It is the acceptance that I have finally come to. Life is now, and it’s all we’ve got. I’m glad we met, and now I know who you are. Funny, I said that, but I always knew who you were. I know we were together only for a few hours, so I don’t know if you saw me for who I am. If you haven’t then there is no hurry. Someday when you manage to open your soul, you will find me in it, much clearly. You will see how we both are similar, in fact the same. I trust this will happen because it is inevitable. When you see it, I am not asking you to take any action, it is only an acknowledgement that we were two souls travelling together for a long time. There is no need to give any worldly definitions to it. It is an acknowledgement that you have found me spiritually just like I found you. That day you will understand why I care and love you unconditionally.
Remeber the seagulls at the dog shelter, how the other one stayed back for the wounded one? I saw acceptance in your eyes, you were moved to see that, you seem to believe it was natural. You accepted it, but why is it difficult for you to see the same when I have been next to you for so long? This is how exactly I feel about you. I have a lot to learn, and you have to learn too.
Saying goodbye to you is one of the most difficult things I have done in my life. But I also believe what Rumi said- “goodbyes are for those who love with their eyes”. My journey must continue, even if the path comes to an end, just like soul continues even if the body dies.
I like to keep life simple. I am happy to see you are in a good relationship, I find solace when I see you are happy. You should understand I see everything, and I can understand you. I feel happy and grateful to see someone loves you, takes care of you and you are not alone. That is what I want for you. I always told you – Live the life the best possible way in front of you. You should also understand all that I feel inside me is not your fault and you are not responsible. But what I understood is that my feelings hurt you. I saw you are sensitive and over think about "us". May be I was too open because I saw you for the first time. I have decided that I will ensure that my feelings don’t affect you and come between us. I think, I should stay distant from your life because I feel sad, and I hate to know that I affect and confuse you. I know I keep expecting opportunities to see you, because that is how I am. I value any time we spend together. Remember, I travelled across the world just to meet you. You know, I will cross to any part of the world how many ever times to spend even a few minutes with you, if you wish. But I have this feeling, we may not get to meet again anytime soon. I have to live with this feeling. I always trust the universe. I will pray and look forward to meeting you again, when the universe wishes, when you’re 70, to go for the hike we planned, which according to our stars and fate, will also be our last journey together in this life.
I love you and I will always love you, and this intensity is only going to increase as the years go by. No changes from my side on that. There was a time you told me that you wanted both me and him. I understand you. See now, you have both me and him- Me as a good friend and him as your boy friend. You should be using your energy to focus on your growth and achieve everything you wanted to achieve in this life. You don’t know how beautiful you are in my eyes. I will always be with you.
“There is a wonderful thing that gold cannot buy,
a gift that is rare and true,
And that is the gift of a wonderful friend I have in you”
Bubbles.
Years have passed but my grief never ends. It strips away my illusions of control and permanence, reminding me that life is fleeting and unpredictable. My pain is a mirror of the depth of our love. To grieve deeply means I have loved you deeply. Losing ‘Bubbles’ was one of the most profound experiences of grief and transformation I have endured. Bubbles, you were and are my companion, protector and my source of unconditional love. After you passed to the other side, I embarked on a journey. Do you know I have changed? Do you see it? Do you know that I still miss you. Bubbles? We all do. Just like every year, we were talking about you today. You have taught me some valuable lessons of love, life and connection. The way you didn’t care about my past or my mistakes; you loved me as I am, in every moment. Did we fight, Bubbles? Did I ever annoy you with my cuddles? If I did, I am sorry. But you never said or showed anything. Not a day you have been indifferent to me. There are so many unspoken words between us. There is this longing inside of me wanting to tell you so many things happening in my life now. There are so many things I would like to share with you. Why must I suffer? But I also know you, you might enduring the same pain on the other side not able to tell me. So I try not to hurt you from here. But why does love, so beautiful, lead to pain? Now I understand how karma works, maybe it was both of ours to be in different places.
I feel your presence all the time, I feel you are near me, a familiar scent, sometimes I feel a comforting feeling of being watched over. I know you are because that is how I feel true love. I know you still visit me in my dreams. I also know your love is not gone; it has simply changed form.
One of the most beautiful gifts that you left me is the gift of countless memories — moments of joy, comfort, and companionship that remain etched in my heart. These memories are not just fragments of our past; but they remind me that love that transcends death. You continue to teach me even in your absence — reminding me to be kind, to be present, and to live with an open heart. Your memory is a beacon of light, guiding me through the dark times and offering solace when I feel alone. I hope I have given you everything that I could, like you did. See what you did to me? Sometimes I am like a madman, talking to you thinking you are listening, I hope you are.
Your unconditional love is a spiritual gift this universe has given me, and I am lucky to have (had) you. This is a reminder of the higher forms of love that exist in the universe. I have longed to hug you one last time. I wish, I could just one more time kiss you. I think this feeling will never perish. Bubbles, my boy, my soul feels you, but my body cannot reach you. I see a part of you in every soul I meet but no one is like you. I keep searching for you, but it crushes me from the inside when I think I will never find you again in this life. How many ever lives I take; I can tell you I will never exchange you for anyone else. You will always be my ‘Bubbles’ and I will always be yours. I am waiting to meet you on the other side.
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